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Learn a new word: beachlancing

Ther secrets of Ariane and her happy salad

After more than a decade of being a freelancer Hungarian translator I thought that there is nothing new I can learn about freelancing. My work became a smoothly rolling routine, everything was just working and nothing seemed to surprise me. I was convinced that the way I work is the best possible way and there is nothing more to learn and discover.

I couldn't be more wrong.

I returned from my last visit from Stockphotolandia shocked and terrified. There I learned about an aspect of freelancing I was not aware of: working on a tropical beach as a freelance translator, called beachlancing. I felt totally humiliated and destroyed and my earlier self-confidence was in ruins. Luckily drinking liters of TG (Translators' Gasoline, also known as coffee by noobs) pulled me out of my mental tar pit and I managed to put myself together. I went on to spend numerous nights and days to discover and learn everything possible about this new and exciting method of freelancing.

Now I would like to share my findings with you.

Unless you have a waterproof laptop, like this Level 10 beachlancer, you will have to keep a certain distance from the shoreline. In order to always be 'within the frame of the photo' distance from the waterline you have to move several times a day. You have to decide if you want to (and can) invest money into a waterproof IT tool or you want to keep moving up and down along the tide.

This is an interesting one, actually a bad example of beachlancing. She is not a real BL since she has a bed which is against the minimalist policies of beachlancing. A real BL has only a laptop, perhaps a mobile, and nothing more. I think she is a rookie BL, still clinging to some aspects of her previous life.

Her choice of cloth is a sign of incorrect business practice, since flashing cleavage during Skype tender interviews (not to mention that she is totally naked under her clothes) will provide her an unethical competitive advantage over other competitors born with testicles. In the BL community there is a rather nasty word for such BLs and that word sounds very similar to beachlancer. Guess it.

There are two small errors on this picture. The first one is the chair, see my earlier note about the concept of minimum numbers of objects around the beachlancer. The other one is that he is facing to the wrong direction: he should enjoy the view of the sea behind his screen. Or maybe he is actually a real pro and there are actually two beaches, one in front of him and the other one behind him? We can not tell from this angle. Please note his professional gadget handling skill: he can safely store the mobile on the narrow armrest of the chair without worrying that he will accidentally push it down to the sand.

The problems with this beachlancer are the same as with the previous one: the presence of a seating device and facing into the wrong direction. The issue with this specific seating device is even more complicated: it is immovable, so goes against the beachlancing philosophy of working on whatever beach their silly mind picks for that given day. However, it is big enough to be used as a bed, so the beachlancer does not have to leave this specific beach even during his sleeping cycle.

The reason why I am still using this picture here is to show you an apparently superhuman skill, which seems to be very common among beachlance translators. She is not only a blind typer, but also a blind translator as well. Note that she does not even have to look at the the screen. I bet she does not even need a source text to translate from. This is truly amazing, I never thought before that this is possible. I think I have much to learn yet.

I noticed that there is an ongoing debate within the beachlancer community if a real BL uses a chair or not. One strong argument for the chair is what you see on this photo: sometimes you are so busy that you forget about the arrival of the high tide. I am against the chair, since I am convinced that a beachlancer must always be aware of his surroundings and the time of the day and move up and down following high and low tide. A beachlancer is called beachlancer because he works on the beach, not in the sea or hundred meters away from the shoreline.

Finally, there is a perfect one without any problems. I am sure she is a professional beachlancer with many years of experience.

  • Minimal number of items, only a laptop, no chair, not even a mobile
  • Facing to the beach
  • Proper distance from the waterline
  • Blind typing and translation

Please also note that he has chosen a sand color perfectly matching her outfit.

Beachlancing may sound a very advanced concept and the very far future of freelancing. Actually it is not the future but the present since it is already here, even if you and me, poor dinosaurs, were not aware of it until now.

What's even more disturbing is that some beachlancers already evolved further. They established their agencies and hired other wannabe beachlancers as their in-house (or rather in-beach) wageslave translators. Sorry about the low quality of this image. but I could find only this single one as the proof of this next level of evolution.

Note the business suit of the advanced beachlancer. I don't know why he is wearing this, since it is exactly the opposite of the beachlancing philosophy. I think he might use this outlandish outfit to distinguish himself from the crowd (which assumes that there is already a crowd of beachlancers) and to show those maggots who is the boss on the beach.

Wow! Zsolt, I was truly shocked by this, and now...

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