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CAT tools: 5 pros and cons

How a CAT can help and prevent a linguist to improve his productivity, quality and flea count

5 pros and cons about using CAT tools

You have heard that in today's business CAT tools are unavoidable for a translator. There are tons of studies out there proving that these will improve not only a translator’s productivity (ultimately, his bottom line), but also the quality of his work - were the quality of his work actually means the quality text you receive in exchange for your blood diamonds.

However, there are situations when using a CAT can be very disadvantageous or rather somelongandunnecessarilyovercomplicatedwordeous. Let’s look at the different aspects of this matter.

  • Productivity      

The pro: Translators are a weird bunch. They work like hermits, staring at a screen motionlessly for hours, moving only certain hand appendages – albeit they do this latter with remarkable speed. So they act pretty much like a catatonic. Breaking this pathetic and disgusting state of mind is really difficult, but necessary since a translator is a living organism. His metabolism needs regular caffeine intake to provide him raw materials to be converted into translated text. However, while catatonic, a translator can become totally unaware of his bodily functions and can die of caffeine deprivation. Until now science discovered only one tool to break this catatonic state of mind: purring.

The con: CATs tend to be quite whimsical about picking the spot where they sleep. This fact, cumulative with the other fact that they spend 70% of their life sleeping, can result quite outlandish situations. If his CAT decides to sleep in his keyboard, a translator will not even try to disturb him. This means that he will be unable to translate for a couple of hours or at least until the CAT gets hungry and wakes up.

  • Quality

The pro: A good CAT user will always fondle and insult his pet in the native language of that pet. Chances are high that a translator will use his hardly earned cash to buy a Maine Coon, which is a TNAB (True North American Breed). To properly insult his CAT he will learn all the English tidbits of within-the-family intercourse and scatology, which will certainly improve his vocabulary. Or at least some parts of it.

The con: Do you remember about the earlier point about the CAT sleeping on the keyboard? Hungarian is a weird language indeed, but do you think that ‘jkhasdf n9asdpuhfhhhhhhhhhh 7777777777777777’ could be a correct translation of anything in that language? Or, for that matter, in any language?

  • Price

The pro: Making a price offer for your project is quite difficult. Fuzzy matches, 101% context matches and all this jargon what don’t even translators really understand make a price offer more complex than making a non-vomit-inducing coiffure for Donald Liar Trump. A purring CAT walking around them will surely disturb the elaborate process of making a price offer, and after 30 minutes of petting, when they try to find the thread they lost when the CAT arrived to the room, they will have no idea on how to conclude the bloody price offer. At the end they will surely give you a lower price than they should, thanks to the constant worry of losing a project due to overpricing.

The con: Ultimately, you, the customer has to pay for everything your contractor, the translator buys to sustain the furbelows of his lifestyle. If he decides to buy an expensive breed of CAT, like a Maine Coon, then the high price of your translator’s living will surely be reflected in the price he demands you for his work. So when you ask him about his professional skills don't forget to ask about the breed of his CAT, since this can be a whistleblower of overpricing.

  • Math skills and honesty

The pro: None. CATs are liars, they do everything to get their meal, and they will not teach anything to their owner about being honest.. They are also quite stupid which hinders their skill to do math.

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The con: Did you notice that the title says '5 pros and cons', and there are only three (since this one doesn't even really count)? Yeah, you got the point, the title was made by following simple clickbait recipes.

Thanks for reading, and Happy International Translators Day!

Somewhere out there is a translator's cat who might starve to death anytime.
Help me to feed that hairy thing.

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